Abuelita

We were gathered together in the church
la familia, dressed in Sunday best and somber.
I saw her cold-looking sallow face
with its typical scowl
and her hands folded across her breast.
The priest was chanting in Latin
and everyone repeated the incantations,
the eerie drone echoing off the ceiling.
Usually Carlos and Lita were rowdy
laughing raucously as they clutched their cervesas
but today there were no cervesas, at least not now,
and nobody told any jokes.
I thought of her life, a complex tapestry of
homemade tortillas, staunchly ironed clothes
and grandchildren on her lap, whom she cared for
while their parents were out "living their lives";
how some of her daughters married alcoholics
and her husband occupied Hiroshima,
and how all she really wanted
was to leave this arid Utah valley
and go back home to México.
And I thought,
after all these years,
surrounded by us, her people
in the church she went to once a year
it must be nice to finally get some sleep.

Bringing my blog back to life

So after a long hiatus, I've decided that now I'm graduated and have some free time it's about time for me to bring the old blog back. Except this time around I'm going to try something new, and have it be more of a "creativity blog" where I can post poems and things that I create, instead of just blabbing about my day. But that's fun too. I don't know if anyone will read it and I don't care too much, but it just feels cool to have a blog.

A Year on an Airplane

Yesterday, on a plane, I sat next to this guy who looked about my age. We started talking and I found out he was born in Salt Lake. I asked him if any of his family was LDS and he said that they weren't, his family all went to the New Apostolic Church. This eventually gave way to a discussion of God, faith, prayer, and the Book of Mormon. He used to attend the New Apostolic Church, but has since left and involved himself in a movement known as skepticism. Skepticists believe solely in cold, hard evidence and the scientific method. He did not believe that things happen for a reason, but are merely a result of probability. He also believed that people who pray trick themselves into getting the answers they want. Before I had got on the plane, I was studying the creation of the world and read the following from Doctrine and Covenants section 88:

41 He [God] ^acomprehendeth all things, and all things are before him, and all things are round about him; and he is above all things, and in all things, and is through all things, and is round about all things; and all things are by him, and of him, even God, forever and ever.

42 And again, verily I say unto you, he hath given a ^alaw unto all things, by which they move in their ^btimes and their seasons;

43 And their courses are fixed, even the courses of the heavens and the earth, which comprehend the earth and all the planets.

44 And they give ^alight to each other in their times and in their seasons, in their minutes, in their hours, in their days, in their weeks, in their months, in their years—all these are ^bone year with God, but not with man.

45 The earth ^arolls upon her wings, and the ^bsun giveth his light by day, and the moon giveth her light by night, and the stars also give their light, as they roll upon their wings in their glory, in the midst of the ^cpower of God.

46 Unto what shall I liken these kingdoms, that ye may understand?

47 Behold, all these are ^akingdoms, and any man who hath ^bseen any or the least of these hath ^cseen God ^dmoving in his majesty and power.

I shared these verses with my friend and explained to him that I believe that all of God's creations testify that He is God and that He created them. I told him of my own experience praying about the Book of Mormon when I was ten, and how the answer I received, a warm, calm, assuring feeling which was at the same time powerful and clear, was from God and that He has confirmed it ever since. We did not see eye to eye on the matter of faith, but I am glad that I got to share with him my testimony. He told me he had dated an LDS girl in Oregon and that he had even been to church. It was an interesting experience.

Today I found this quote by Elder Boyd K. Packer:

"All things not only are not known but must not be so convincingly clear as to eliminate the need for faith. That would nullify agency and defeat the purpose of the plan of salvation.”

Temple trip

Yesterday I drove to the temple in Washington D.C. It took about an hour and a half to get there because I missed the highway entrance I needed. I went to Washington D.C., but the temple is actually in Kensington, Maryland, not in D.C., so that didn't do me much good.

When I got to the temple I was impressed again by how beautiful it is, inside and out. Once inside, I felt like I was home... Which is weird, because Fairfax, Virginia is technically my "home." But being inside the temple felt more familiar to me and more like home than my parents' home in Fairfax. Part of that is because I work in the temple every Saturday in Rexburg for 6 hours, so it has a certain familiarity to it. But just the feeling inside the temple, the peace and serenity, made me feel like I was somewhere comfortable where I belonged. I love going to the temple.

After spending a while in the temple it was time to go back outside and face the real world. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the Festival of Lights was still going on at the temple visitor's center. The trees were laced with bright blue and green and purple and red lights, and it looks kind of like Candy Land would look like if it really existed.

Driving home in Virginia/Maryland/D.C. traffic was hectic and chaotic, and made me want to pull all my hair out. But at last I got home and could spend some time with my mom and baby brother. My dad and other two brothers are in Florida at a soccer tournament.

Today was a good day. I went to church and Jenny Oaks Baker played her violin. We had our Christmas program today because church was canceled last week. Jenny is a world renowned violinist, and she played when I was at the MTC before my mission and also when I was in Idaho last winter in a concert for the school. She goes to church with my parents. So when she walked up to play I was very excited. It was good. We're going to watch her play this Saturday at the temple visitor's center in D.C. I like good music.

It's been a while

The last week of school was pretty enjoyable. Monday's ward talent show was definitely a special treat. Jogal and his roommates did the "All the Single Ladies Dance," and I think that was one of the best moments of my life. I've seen the recording but it's so much better live. Will sang "We're so Far Away" by Mae and Erika played the piano. They were amazing and I got chills. I played guitar and sang "Crush'd" by Say Anything.

The rest of the week was mostly writing essays.

This weekend I went to my last companion from my mission's wedding. Chris Perkins, another mission friend, and I drove down to Salt Lake on Thursday night for the wedding. Corey and his wife are really cute together. We saw them get sealed for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake Temple, after freaking out and thinking we would be late. We got there late, but so did they, so we didn't miss it. It was a Christmas miracle. We stayed at the temple until noon, then we went to a luncheon for them, spent time with them at her grandparent's house, and helped decorate their reception a little bit. It was fun. At 11:00 I got on a plane and flew to New York. My flight to D.C. was cancelled because of a huge snow storm, so in New York I took a taxi to Penn Station. The taxi driver was nice and he pointed out Madison Square Gardens and Macey's and some other cool things in NYC. I jumped on a train from there and got to D.C. around noon Saturday, and my dad picked me up. It was snowing like crazy and continued to snow all day. I was supposed to go on a double date with Nate Eaton in D.C. and see Jenny Oaks Baker play the violin, but everything was cancelled because of the blizzard. That's OK. Church was canceled today but the bishop authorized us to perform the sacrament in our own homes. I think that's cool.

Encouragement in my homework

"However dim our days... may seem, they have been a lot darker for the Savior of the world. As a reminder of those days, Jesus has chosen, even in a resurrected, otherwise perfected body, to retain for the benefit of His disciples the wounds in His hands and in His feet and in His side--signs, if you will, that painful things happen even to the pure and the perfect; signs, if you will, that pain in this world is NOT evidence that God doesn't love you; signs, if you will, that problems pass and happiness can be ours.. it is the wounded Christ who is the Captain of our souls, He who yet bears the scars of our forgiveness, the lesions of His love and humility, the torn flesh of obedience and sacrifice."

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of 12 Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints